No, sir, keep your fine jewelry! I’d like a vacuum, please.

Courtesy of zazzle.com

Is it me, or is it getting terribly geriatric in here?

When did I start staring longingly at window treatments, and looking up the best deals on vacuums? How is it that I don’t want to party all the time, but I’m quite content with sitting at home doing whatever? Oh wait, that last one’s not new, I’ve actually been that way forever. But, seriously, what the hell is happening to me?

Nowadays, I actually groan at the prospect of going to parties and the like. Am I, dare I say it, getting old? Is this what happens? I’m clearly just a few days past my mid-20′s, yet I feel like I’m in my 30′s. Oh boy! What else is going to start happening? Am I going to start knitting, too?

Clearly, I need to be out there painting the town an agreeable shade of a primary color befitting my party mood! However, I’m at home on a Saturday night checking out online sales on housewares! Most of which I can’t afford. Seriously, who knew curtains were this expensive! And why aren’t they sold in pairs? Total ripoff!

Thank heavens I don’t have a lawn to tell kids to get off of, or I’d probably be doing that, too! Though to tell you the truth screaming at kids has become a favorite pastime of mine (more about that in a later post).

But you know what? I actually am secretly enjoying this phase I’m going through. It’s not bad at all. I still do fun things every now and again, and if it means just chilling at home on a saturday salivating over a Dyson vacuum and those awesome looking curtains that I think are horribly overpriced, so be it!

Now if I could only get a deal on these damn curtains …

If there’s a Blog Protective Services I’m in deep *BLEEP*

Sooo, I practically abandoned this blog. I’m a horrible person, I know. But, the truth is that I didn’t feel like writing at all. For months I toyed with the idea of just deleting it, but something kept me from doing it.
I know, I know! If I can’t treat my blog better I shouldn’t have one ya di ya … but I just really couldn’t think of a blessed thing to write. So please don’t report me just yet.
I’ll try to write something every once in a while. I guess that’s better than nothing, right?
Bear with me.

Hi, random Craigslist person, would you like to be my friend?

By the title (and the huge image that says Craigslist) I’m sure you’ve figured out that this post is about Craigslist. If you haven’t yet, this is for you — this post is about Craigslist! Haha, okay, enough funny business.

In my last post, I mentioned that there are going to be some big changes in my life pretty soon. Well one of those is *drum roll please* I’m moving to a new state. Yep, buh-bye old home, hellooo new digs! I’ve decided to try out life in a new place and I’m so very excited. Can you feel the excitement oozing off your screen? You should be!

Well, with this new move, I’ve also decided to try something I’ve never, ever done before. Actually if you told me a couple months ago that I’d be doing something like this, I’d probably suggest that you be committed for a long time. The idea would just be that ludicrous. So what is this craziness that I decided to engage in? Are you sitting down? If not you should.

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I’ve decided to look for new friends on Craigslist! *gasp*

Are you still there? Good! I was concerned there for a second.

This might not be a big deal to some people, but to me it’s huge. I bet if I tell the people who’ve known me forever, they’ll never believe it. A few things about me: I’m not a very outgoing person, especially with strangers. I don’t like being the center of attention. And I definitely don’t solicit the friendship of total strangers. So why have I done this?

You see, it’s not that I don’t know anyone where I’m going; I actually know a few fun folks. But, as pretty awesome as they all are, they’re all friends of my significant other. That’s fine and all, but I’d like to have friends of my own to hang out with. So I trekked over to Craigslist to find some.

The Personals section of the Web site is pretty interesting, and it has something for everyone. I saw some things that made my eyes bug out for a second, and I’m no prude! Wowsers, there are some reckless people on there! Anyway, I quickly navigated to the ‘platonic’ section to see if I could find anyone with similar interests, because what would be the point if we don’t like the same things, right? As I read, I found myself thinking “What the hell am I doing?” “Am I going to get a psycho?” “Are these people going to think I’m psycho?” “Man I hope I’ll know they’re psycho before it’s too late.” Yes, I was having a moment.

Truthfully, for a second there I was feeling pretty pathetic. But I gave myself a mental slap and just decided to do it anyway. What’s the worst that could happen right? Wait, damn! Why did I say that? Something bad always happens when you say that. I mean I’ve seen enough horror movies to know this! Oh well … .

I actually found two people who I might have fun getting to know, a guy and a girl. I e-mailed them, so I’ll cross my fingers and wait for a reply. But if I never get one I won’t feel too bad; I tried.

This isn’t going to be my only medium of getting to know people. Of course, I’ll try to find friends the ‘normal’ way, whatever that means. But, I just figured I’d give it a try. I don’t know if I’ll go on there again, but it was an interesting experience. At least I’ll know where to go if I want to marry a guy with herpes! Yes, somebody really posted that!

Ahhh, the endless possibilities!

Where have I been?

Just in case you’re one of the people (all of three, haha) who read this blog, I just want to say I’m so sorry for being such a horrible blogger, and I’m still alive!
I’m still unemployed. You’d think since I don’t work I’d be on here writing all day, right? Wrong! I just find totally pointless crap to do every day, which takes up my time splendidly.
I have a lot of big changes ahead of me, all of which I’m happy about. I hope there’s a job in there somewhere.
I’ll try to write more, because heaven knows I need to keep my brain cells from totally dying. I won’t make any promises though (because then I’ll have to keep them, hehe). But seriously I’ll make a bigger effort to put some stuff on here so you don’t have to keep re-reading this old stuff.
Thanks for understanding (yep, I’m pretty delusional).

UPDATE: Sheriff confirms that Balloon Boy incident was a big, fat hoax!

How dare they!

During a live press conference, this morning, Sheriff Jim Alderden said the parents of 6-year-old Falcon Heene — Richard and Mayumi Heene — ”put on a very good show for us, and we bought it.”

Again, how dare they! How dare they play with my emotions. Is it possible for me to get the chance to punch Richard Heene in the gonads? Hey, it’s only fair.

Charges are also being recommended, among them contributing to the delinquency of a minor and conspiracy. I wonder if there’s a charge for being an asshole?

Was Balloon Boy’s Family Blowing Hot Air?

I would assume by now that a lot of people have heard about the 6-year-old Colorado boy — Falcon Heene — who was thought to have floated off in an experimental flying saucer-shaped balloon built by his father.

Falcon’s brother said he saw him climb into the balloon, that was later seen drifting off. Falcon’s parents — storm chaser Richard and mom, Mayumi — alerted the authorities who then went on an intense five-hour search that even included the North American Aerospace Defense Command. For five hours, America and the world, yes the world, held their breaths and hoped this mini-adventurer would be found safe. Hope dipped when the balloon was found empty, but then Falcon was found and we all breathed a sigh of relief. He was safe.

But, where was Falcon? Where was the boy who had sent TV crews into a tizzy and held viewers captive?

In the damn garage attic. Ha ha ha.

This reminded me of a friend who we were driving home after a night of partying. We had just left another friend’s place when he exclaimed that he couldn’t find his keys. He called the place we just left and then we turned back to see if he had left it there, when someone in the car jokingly asked  “Did you check your pockets?” The keys were in his pocket, in the pants he was wearing, but he didn’t even think to check. That was hilarious!

So why did no one think to give the house a once-over before sending the authorities on a wild goose chase? After watching the CNN interview with Wolf Blitzer, many are saying the whole thing was a hoax. The family is denying it, but when Falcon says something like “You guys said… that, um, we did this for the show,” many can’t help but be suspicious. See the vid below.

I wouldn’t like to believe that parents would use their kids to get their shine on, but we all know that it wouldn’t be the first time. I hope this isn’t the case. If it is, the state should be able to recoup the costs of the search-and-rescue. All in all, I’m glad Falcon is safe, even if he was just hiding in the attic. Better that than him coming to any harm. Until the facts are uncovered I’ll reserve judgment and so should everyone else.

Generation of Vipers

Courtesy of art.com

Am I having kids? I’m seriously considering adopting a guinea pig instead. What the hell is wrong with these children nowadays It’s like they’ve all become possessed. They don’t respect authority, nor do they respect life.

How can you throw alcohol on somebody and ignite them, then turn around and laugh? Sick! Well, that’s the latest in teen violence. Fifteen-year-old Michael Brewer, of Deerfield Beach, Fla., was lit on fire because he owed a “friend” $40 for a video game. The friend then went ahead and stole the victim’s father’s bicycle. The victim reported him and the boy got sent to juvenile detention. In retaliation, he and his friends awaited Brewer, surrounded him and proceeded to pour alcohol on him and set him on fire. Now Brewer will be in the hospital for five months, recovering from second-degree burns that cover 80 percent of his body. The entire story is here.

I’m glad Brewer didn’t lose his life like Derrion Albert, the 16-year-old Chicago youth who was beaten to death last month. The media has reported that the beating was caught on tape, but I’ve never watched it. It’s too hard for me.

These young people are taking lives without even thinking about it. They are so lost.

I’m never one for putting the weight of the world on one group of people, but when I turn on the computer and I see numerous videos of adults glorifying bad behavior — a baby saying some very vile things, little boys and girls engaging in overly sexual dance moves — I can’t help but think these people have lost their damn minds! Where are the parents?

I’m not a paragon of virtue, but I know BS when I see it. Parents and guardians need to take a more serious approach to raising their charges. Stop trying to be their friends all the time; stop letting them take advantage. Play your role! Although looking at how some of these parents operate, they can’t possibly know what their role is. It is to protect your ward, at all times (well that’s my take). And I’m not talking about bringing them up with the wool pulled snugly over their eyes either.

Children are very impressionable, we all know this. And because violence is a learned behavior, we, yes we, all have to play active parts in limiting the youth’s exposure to violence. You might not be able to do so 24/7 because school-age children are going to interact with others, but imagine if other parents were playing their roles — you wouldn’t have to worry so much. But since you know you live in an imperfect world, do what you must.

This month the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, which is under the U.S Department of Justice, published a study titled “The National Survey of Children’s Exposure to Violence.” The study was carried out between January and May 2008, “it measured the past-year and lifetime exposure to violence for children age 17 and younger across several major categories: conventional crime, child maltreatment, victimization by peers and siblings, sexual victimization, witnessing and indirect victimization (including exposure to community violence and family violence), school violence and threats, and Internet victimization.”

It found that an alarming number of the children surveyed, more than 60 percent, were exposed to violence, directly and indirectly. The study can be found here (the first link on the page under hot topics), and it gives a chilling look into the madness that is going on. Imagine if this study had been done over a longer period of time with a larger group!

I know that teens are not going to stop beating on each other overnight and violence is not going to just stop because I want it to. That would be wishful thinking to the extreme. But I think if we all play an active role in minimizing children’s exposure to violence and our own involvement in violent acts, then maybe we’ll be able to make some sort of difference.

We should never forget that children are the future. And right now the future is looking pretty bleak.

The Creepy, Crawly Chronicles – Scorpions

Baby Scorpion a.k.a Terror Poco (Little Terror)

Don’t let me mislead you. There certainly won’t be any chronicles, because unlike a certain someone who is afraid of lizards (bwaa ha ha ha), there is very little that I’m afraid of where insects are concerned — but the title sounded cute.

So after falling prey to the evil that is our bed, my dearest and I woke up to find that little critter a couple inches from our light switch. I actually got up to turn the fan on, because dearest had turned it off earlier as he was cold (it rained all day). Lo and behold I looked up into the corner and there it was. I instinctively pulled my hand away from the switch and took a few steps back — I’m all about self preservation. Luckily, I had not turned on the lights because that sucker would have scampered away. Scorpions are one of the insect world’s greatest sprinters. Not quite a Usain Bolt — that would be a fairy fly, more like a Tyson Gay.

I shook dearest awake and in his sleepy haze — soon forgotten — he tried to see why I had so fervently roused him. “Baaaaaaaabbeee, hoooon, *shakey shake shake* Look over there,” I said or something like that. He couldn’t really see it all that well in the dark, damn his lack of night vision, but he soon realized that the wall was not all white. He moved to turn the lights on and I went to the computer to research ways to get rid of them — in the most non-humane way possible.

Let’s face it, I HATE scorpions. Funny enough my astrological sign is Scorpio, go figure! The story is, once, back home, I lived on the second-floor of an apartment building. I was climbing into the shower and about to put my shower cap on when something fell out of it. You guessed right — a scorpion! I was not amused, which was obvious by the the ear-drum splitting, blood curdling scream that rent the air a few seconds after my discovery. Like Romeo or John Tucker, whichever you prefer, he had to DIE!

I figure this sucker was out to get me because I had a part in the death of a family member (albeit in a different country). I knew the scorpion mafia was out for blood, MINE! But I wasn’t gonna let them get me.

So dearest and I put on our sneakers, of course, not before shaking the crap out of them. Paranoia reigns supreme! Unfortunately the bastard ran behind the armoire, which was below it, when dearest opened the closet door. Surprising, since I figured he (or she – I didn’t check) would have ran when dearest turned the lights on. I guess his hearing is better than his sight.

So there we were toes protected (you may laugh), armed with a broom, a directory (no we weren’t gonna call his next of kin) and a can of Raid. Like two reject superheroes about to mete out justice to the bad guy. Bada bing bada boom, a little Raid (it stunned him), a little crush with the broom handle and he was swimming with the fishes, or whatever was at the bottom of our dust bin!

Like I mentioned before, paranoia reigns. I’ll be shaking out all my shoes and clothing before I put them on. And I definitely won’t be sticking my hands into any dark corners. This weekend we’ll probably turn the apartment inside out just to be safe.

So now we’re up (who knows when we’ll get back to sleep), and dearest is saying the craziest things — like we should be sleeping on platforms surrounded by water. It’s okay because I totally agree. That baby scorpion scared the bejesus out of me. Don’t laugh, those things have the same amount of venom as adult scorpions. They might not all be exceedingly poisonous, but since I’m no scorpion expert, and I have the worst luck ever, they’re all guilty until dead. Hey, better them than me!

Kanye West, free speech is not a douchebag pass

Courtesy of Chris Polk/Getty Images via Rolling Stone

I’m all for free speech and expressing yourself, but tonight Mr. West took it too far! I wasn’t watching the VMAs tonight like everybody else seemed to be. Actually I was outside on the back patio sitting Indian style, enjoying the cool breeze and the sounds of the night — until I decided to shatter the peace by going on Twitter and Facebook.

If you tweet you know that trending topics usually follow current events at best, at worst some idiotic thing deemed important. So the VMAs, of course, was a trending topic and so was Kanye. On Facebook, people were all abuzz about some horrible thing that he did. Now we all know Kanye does act out at times so I figured it couldn’t be all that bad — until I clicked on the Youtube link (If it doesn’t work Viacom probably put the kibosh on it).

Kanye, Kanye, Kanye … why, man? Why?

Now, considering that the VMAs is at best highly questionable, because sometimes the outcome leaves you scratching your head — everyone is entitled to their shine. What Kanye West did to Taylor Swift was wrong and very juvenile. Yes, maybe her video wasn’t as good as Beyonce’s, and maybe everybody was thinking that, but why go in the middle of Swift’s acceptance speech to basically tell her she sucks? I can’t support such foolishness. I mean West could have waited ’til after the award to say it, because according to the Constitution it is his right, but he messed up.

Beyonce’s face was priceless; you could see she was embarrassed.

I hope sometime in the future he’ll apologize to Swift, though I doubt he will. I’ve always believed that not everything that runs through your mind should be voiced, obviously West didn’t get this memo. Somebody needs to let West know ASAP before he does something worse and his career goes south.

P.S.- Just saw a pic of him on the red carpet with an open bottle of Hennessy in his hands. *rolling my eyes* Need I say more?

Sept. 11 — 8 years later

I think I can say, without a doubt, everyone can remember where they were when the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center fell. To this day I remember clearly sitting on the coffee table, my eyes transfixed in absolute disbelief at what I was seeing on the television. Seeing the second plane crash into the south tower brought tears to my eyes, just as it still does today.

I might not have been in the country at the time, but the pain I felt was so strong my heart literally hurt. To this day I wonder what kind of hatred and anger could make anyone do something like that to absolute strangers. People who they never held a conversation with, never played with, and, therefore, didn’t ever do anything bad to them on any level.

Almost 3,000 died that day; even more if you think about it because whole families were ripped apart. Loved ones were lost, never to return. So very, very sad. Also a group of people who I doubt had the same evil thoughts as the brutes responsible for the attack, became objects of hatred for some. Middle-Easterners, and those who looked like them, were subject to hate crimes and the like. Today they still face the consequences of the actions of a misguided few.

Even though this day was very painful, we all saw that mercy does exist — people rushed toward death and chaos to help those in need. The outpouring of love, both nationally and internationally, was poignant.

Today I think we should remember both the pain and the love – the latter more than anything else. We are in hard times and if people showed half the care, love and mercy that was seen in the aftermath of the attack, life would be so much better. Let’s put aside our differences and learn to live with each other. Because as we were taught eight years ago, death can come swiftly and when it does, all we have is each other.